Should I Contact My Ex Or Not?

Making contact with my ex.

Calling your ex vs not calling will determine whether you are going to eventually get your loved one back. While you may have an overwhelming urge to contact them now, rest assured, that’s the worst possible idea. Nothing you say is going to change the situation, but everything you say can make it worse – there is nothing to gain.


If you contact your ex:

  • You will instantly hand over power to your former partner; that’s the last thing you need. 
  • Nothing you say is going to help the situation – even if you’re convinced that you can find the right words. The truth is that there are no right words at this time. 
  • The potential to cause more damage is huge. While you won’t be able to talk them back into the relationship, you most certainly will be able to make a bad situation much, much worse. 
  • Unless you have given this time to cool off and you know the risks, avoid all contact.

Are there any exceptions?

Just one. you can call your ex and arrange to pick up your things or tie up any loose ends, but be very brief and businesslike. Anything else is damaging. Hang tough and be wary of what you say. Don’t get into a friendly chat because that’ll easily lead to saying personal things that will ruin your long term chances. Be cordial and polite, but expressing feelings is a really bad idea right now. Read the room.

If you don’t contact your ex:

  • You will avoid giving your ex even more power over you. Let’s face it: If you got dumped, you are not in a power position; try to keep the little bit of dignity you have. 
  • They’ll be thinking of you.
  • You’ll pique their curiosity.
  • You’ll throw a psychological wrench in the mix that they weren’t expecting. 
  • You’ll maintain some dignity/self-respect.
  • You’ll feel better about yourself. 

You have choices to make after a breakup. Even if you do nothing, it’s still a conscious decision and it will produce results one way or the other. If you choose poorly, you can severely decrease the chances of getting your ex back. 

Now, making the right decisions after a breakup does sound pretty straightforward (after all, there are plenty of books and courses that will guide you), however, there are also many variables. One size does not fit all. Your situation is unique.

The bottom line is that if all you did was not call or contact your ex, the chances of getting them back would increase beyond your greatest expectations. 

This isn’t a new concept.

Not contacting your ex after a breakup borders on cliche. Go to any website on how to get your ex back and the first thing they’ll tell you is that you must cut off contact. Well, duh, what else is new? We all know not to call, yet it’s the first thing most of us do.


Well, the overwhelming urge to fix things is one reason. You’re hurting and that means anxiety, stress and depression that is off the scale. In fact, some of us go a little crazy in this state and resort to stalking, etc. Even for those who are less prone to completely losing it, they’re still in a highly agitated state and looking for a solution to ease the pain. 

One of the most direct ways to do this (in that state of mind) is to contact your ex directly. In fact, there is no way to resolve things and make the pain stop right now other than to call your ex and talk. 

Deep down, we all know the reason that this is the worst thing you can do. Any contact whatsoever is going to be harmful. Just keep that in mind and you might have a chance when the time is right. 

When should I call my ex?

Do yourself a favour and go into a 30 day, no contact  regiment. After that, things may improve more than you could ever imagine. Now, phoning your ex is a good idea. Best of luck!